I woke up on Saturday thinking “I’m just going to write one scene on my screenplay.”  About eight hours later, I had a complete first draft.

It was an amazing feeling.  The ideas kept flowing and flowing.  I was afraid if I stopped, the words would be lost forever.  So I just kept writing and writing.  I turned on the itunes and let the music play.  I made a playlist of songs that I’d put on the soundtrack if I were the one making that choice or songs that fit the era I was writing about (late 1990s).  I stumbled through the ending like I always do and wrote the words I’ve only made it to twice:  FADE OUT THE END.

I always feel amazement when I finish a screenplay.  Then the nerves set it.  I languish over the ending.  I ask myself if my scenes are interesting.  Do I have too much action and too little dialogue?  Do I have too little action and too much dialogue?  The mind boggles.

This time I used Syd Field’s method.  He’s the guru of screenwriting and someone my screenwriting teacher at Portland State  said Hollywood doesn’t listen to (he lies.  Syd Field is the go to guy for screenwriting).  The thing I’ve found is there are so many people who teach screenwriting.  I take a little bit from each of them.  Even the Portland State screenwriting teacher who I have little to no respect for (but enough respect not to name him specifically).  The only thing I took from him is that trimming dialogue is important.  However, I have learned that from every single writing teacher I have ever had.

Instead, I choose to listen to people like my current TV Writing teacher (totally different class than Screenwriting) and my Screenwriting teacher at Clackamas Community College who seem to believe in me and help me to be a better writer.  They can’t guarantee I’ll have success, but they certainly make me feel like I can do this. 

Another thing I’d like to add is a piece of advice to writing students.  Do not discount your other classes.  If you’re an aspiring screenwriter like me, don’t think that a non-screenwriting class won’t help you.  TV Writing has taught me how to generate ideas.  The Non-Fiction intensive class taught me that no story is too small to write.  My research paper class taught me not only how to write a good academic paper but also how to research effectively (which I’ve had to do a lot of for my latest script in particular).  That is one of the reasons I’ve chosen to major in English rather than film.  I really want to write stories that are performed either on stage, screen, TV sets or even the internet (which is emerging as a new media).  If not, that’s okay.  There’s always my dream second career of writing trashy novels.

“So, what did you do this weekend?”

My answer would be:  “A whole lot of nothing.”

I’ve had no motivation.  I did go out yesterday to get some food but that was it.  I’ve watched a lot of movies, done a lot of Facebook, and sleep.  I’m in an area where there are no trick or treaters so I didn’t have to worry about that.  I could’ve gone places.  I was invited to a party, caroling, and even told of a cemetery tour near my house.  All sounded appealing.  One I wasn’t able to go to (but very flattered for the invitation) and the others I just wasn’t up for. 

I’ve been feeling a bit off lately.  I know why but it’s not something my readers would want me to get into detail about.  There’s other things too.  School is fun but I”m wondering again if I made the right choice.  I was working on campus but that went down in flames (I didn’t get fired but I did feel the need to flee an unfair situation that was just going to get worse).  It’s kind of shaken my faith in my choice of a school.  But I don’t know where else to go without having to drop out or move.  So I’m going to keep soildering on and doing my best.

I can’t wait for 2010.  Maybe a new year will bring new hope.  A girl can dream, right?

Two days ago I decided to unfollow (on Twitter) or hide (on Facebook) any of the news outlets I follow that report excessively on The Gosselin’s. As my regular readers know, I used to love Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Now it’s like watching a train wreck. When they do talk about happy stuff, they always break into moments of Kate talking about how sad she is and how hard it is to raise the kids alone. I have my own drama. I watch TV to escape not to be deluged with other people’s drama that needs to stay out of the public eye. Considering that Kate sobs on the Today Show every time Jon does something she doesn’t like and Jon seems to chat with the reporters that are gathered on his property whenever he can, I don’t think it’s entirely the media’s fault. They’re to blame for printing it. The Gosselin’s are to blame for choosing to use the media as their weapon against each other.

It was kind of a relief not to hear about them. I did read TV Guide’s Facebook page this morning and I have to say they’ve only had one Gosselin story in the last two days. Thank you TV Guide! It wasn’t exactly newsworthy (it reported that nothing happened at Cara and Mady’s birthday party), but they’re making progress. I don’t miss them. The news world without them is a lovely place to be. Someday, they’ll return to obscurity and the rest of us can get on with our lives.

The other bane of my news existence is the Kardashians. I was even going to write a blog about how they’re famous for nothing and I’m tired of hearing about them. I got requests to not even talk about them so I will honor that. If you’re dying to get into a debate about them or Jon and Kate, go ahead and leave me a comment. Otherwise, I will hope they go into obscurity as well.

I’ve received a lot of wonderful feedback from my entry yesterday of my personal narrative. Without realizing it, it was my most honest and raw piece of work to date. I’m glad that it connected with my readers. Normally I wouldn’t post something that personal but I’m glad I did. One of my biggest fears is that I will offend someone or cause people to be upset. That certainly isn’t my intention. My intention is to connect with my world and hope others are able to do the same. I have learned as a writer that not everyone will love what I have to say. It’s like when Mom makes dinner. She makes one dish for everyone. She doesn’t make chicken for one person, steak for the other, and macaroni and cheese for a third person. If you don’t like it, you either don’t eat (or in my house as I got older, I made my own dinner if I wanted something different). That’s how it is with my writing. It’s one dish for all. Either love it, hate it, or don’t consume it. I’m not saying I won’t be sad if everyone doesn’t like the dish but if I try to cater to everyone’s needs, I’ll be writing a million versions of the same story. I’m also not a psychic. If I try to write in a way that I think a certain person or certain group of people will respond to, I will miss the mark.

Another thing that emerged from this exercise is realizing how very different my plans turned out. I remember for a project for a class in the eighth grade, we had to write about what we wanted to do ten years later. I was thirteen at the time so I would’ve been twenty-three in my future world. I was married, teaching school, and owning a video store. There were also children. When I was twenty-three, I had my own business as a Creative Memories consultant that lasted nine months before I decided to start school. I got my first degree at twenty-six, moved into the city a couple months after graduation, and worked for two years in offices before returning to school to get my Bachelor’s Degree. Not what I had planned in the eighth grade, but that’s okay. I decided a few months after that project I wanted to become a screenwriter and I’m still going back and forth on that one. I want to write but I don’t know what medium yet. Sure I thought about getting married. I’ve never been close. And I’m fine with that. These last few years weren’t what I had in mind but they have shaped who I am today.

I look forward to sharing more in the future.

A friend of mine challenged me to write a personal narrative without referring to myself.  This is what came out of the exercise.

What can you say about her? Nearly three decades of life behind her and has she really lived? She hasn’t done the things a nearly thirty year old woman should do. She has driven a car but doesn’t have her license. She has lived alone for three years but hasn’t had anything resembling a real relationship. There was this guy. She liked him. He seemed to like her. He was educated and on his way to becoming a pastor. She didn’t know what she wanted to do. She always wanted to be a screenwriter but her career was going nowhere. He married a different girl instead. At the wedding reception, she chatted with the bride’s mother. The mother revealed an interesting detail: the groom was worried he wouldn’t be respected as a pastor if he wasn’t married. Phew. She dodged a bullet. Seven years later, he’s still married with three children. She’s got a cat and a tiny apartment. And still no man. She has condoms in the bathroom drawer but no man.

And is she okay with that? Would she rather be married to someone whose sole purpose for getting married is to make other people less uncomfortable? Is she worried the condoms will expire before she gets a chance to use them? There are bigger things to worry about. The shelf life of condoms isn’t one of them.

Marriage isn’t all that great to her. In her own family, there are more people divorced than married. Besides, she doesn’t want to get married. She’d like to see herself in a long term relationship. One where the door is open to leave but neither of them wants to leave. That would be the bigger challenge. Even bigger than being married as long as her parents have been together. All she wants to do is live. Take a few more risks. Make more friends. Perhaps once she learns how to maintain healthy friendships, she’ll be ready for the next phase—a romantic relationship. For now, she is enjoying her time of singularity before fate, destiny or whatever romantic movie cliché is popular at the moment decides something different for her.

The last month and a half has been CRAZY! Since my last post, things got really crazy. Again, I’m not ready to divulge all the details yet, but I made it out on the other side even though I was left scratching my head asking myself “How did I do this?” The important part is I made it out of the tunnel and now life is good.

 I’ve spent the last month and a half working at my school and loving every minute of it. I forgot how much I love to work. My new job has allowed me to catch up on some bills and meet some really wonderful people. Having a job in this economy is such a blessing. Especially one that keeps me in school and is flexible with my studies. Monday is the first day of classes and I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. A little nervous about the transition and adding school into to the mix with work, but I’m up for the challenge.

In the spring, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go back to school. I never intended to quit school but I was wondering if I would ever find happiness at school. By taking a couple months off, I was able to realize that out of the eleven classes I took, only two instructors upset me. The rest were wonderful. And I don’t have to take classes from either of them again. I hope to improve as a writer, which is what I am paying a massive amount of money to do.

I am excited to be back on track and going back to school. I really hope I find someone who believes in me. That’s what I want the most. Lots of people believe in me. My teachers at Clackamas believed in me and that has kept me going. I hope to find this at my current school. I know I can write. I’ve been told I can write.

So I’m going to keep going. I’m in it for the art. Not for the money. But it would be nice to know the bills are covered.

So it’s been quite awhile since I’ve updated. It’s been a pretty crazy summer. I’ve been job hunting and learning how to survive without an income and generous relatives willing to help me out (with loans). I’ve learned to live without, become stronger, made it close to the light at the end of the tunnel, and went crazy in the process. But I’m okay now. It’s been a very personal journey. Some parts I will share at a later date. Other parts will be kept to myself.

In the month or so that I’ve been away from my blog, I’ve been thinking about the future of my blog. No, I’m not ending my blog. But I would like to bring more people to it and encourage feedback. So I will be working on that. One suggestion that has been made has been for me to write fictional entries. That is something I want to do. I have been looking for a way to do that without starting a scare when someone reads something in a voice that isn’t mine. I’m also going to start posing questions when I can so it’s not just me ranting about things going on in my world. I love to provoke conversation and hope to do more of that in this blog.

I apologize for the lack of blogs but hope to fix that in the future.

Stay Tuned!

I’m settling into my new schedule but sincerely hoping that it won’t be that way for long.  Like twelve percent of the rest of the state, I’m looking for work.  I’m getting help for my expenses thanks to some amazing relatives willing to loan me the money.  I’m just trying to keep my eye out for anything and everything that I might be able to apply for.  I’m hoping to find something full time for the summer and part time for the school year.  I’ve come this far to go to school and I’m not ready to turn back now.

I’ve found myself with a lot of free time.  It is a good and bad thing.  I remember when I was a forty hour a week data entry person, all I wanted was a day off.  Now, I like the time off, but it’s a little much.  The time off has given me more time to spend with “The Lover.”  Often referred to as “The Neglected Lover,” the lover is my writing.  Specifically my screenwriting.  I have two screenplays I’m working on somewhat simultaneously.  One is more of a rewrite than a new screenplay.  I finished a draft over Spring Break but decided to change the locale and some of the details a bit.  I think the new story is stronger, less Hollywood, and more unique.  While I didn’t like the screenwriting class I took in the winter (a subject I’ve blogged about previously), I did pick up some useful tips that helps me to write and edit better.  I tend to overwrite.  Usually, by the time I get my draft to my writing partners in class or the teacher, I can get a fresh set of eyes to tell me if it’s good or bad. 

Having time to write has been wonderful.  I’d love it if I could generate an income with it, but for now I’m content with building a portfolio of work for the future.  Even if the only “screening” my writing is from a staged reading among my friends, I’m totally fine with that.  It just feels good to be writing.  Someday, the audience will come. 

After all “If you build it they will come.”  Right?

I was never really a fan of Michael Jackson. I think a lot of that is because I was not really allowed to listen to rock or pop music until my early teen years and by then Michael’s life was embroiled in scandal from the first child molestation allegation to his marriage to Lisa Marie Presley (more on that later). I remember watching his statement in 1993 regarding the first allegations of abuse live as it happened and the constant coverage of his marriage to Lisa Marie.

I twittered pretty constantly about hid death until a couple of my tweeps complained about the constant coverage in general so I chose to stop. My reactions are pretty mixed. My first thoughts were lack of surprise, sadness for his kids, and the thought that maybe now his kids will have a normal life. But the thing is, that was normal for them. Michael Jackson was their father. He loved them. Their aunts, uncles, grandma, grandpa, nanny, and other people around them love them. It will be interesting to see what happens to the children in regards to custody and how the adults around them will take care of them.

In the last few days, I’ve found myself wondering why didn’t I listen to more of his music? I love Billie Jean even though most of my memory of the song is from the Season Three episode of The Simpsons where Homer meets a man who claims to be Michael Jackson in a mental hospital. It’s one of my favorite episodes.

One of my favorite stories of my cat has a Michael Jackson connection. When I adopted Elliott as a two month old kitten, he was really scared to live with me at first. He was used to living with my friend and her cat and he was a little nervous the first couple days. I remember watching a ballroom dancing program on PBS while I cleaned the house. One of the numbers was set to “Black or White.” Elliott started dancing. He was moving his head back and forth to the music. I thought it was the funniest thing I saw and thought “Great, my cat’s a Michael Jackson fan.” He has never done it again. It was a beautiful moment.

I’m really amazed at how Michael Jackson influenced and is continuing to influence the world. Whether you loved him or hated him, he is still a person who is no longer with us. There are people who are very sad. Elizabeth Taylor was inconsolable on her twitter feed. They were very close. Even Lisa Marie is hurting. Her MySpace blog is profound and shows her grief:

 http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=42291868&blogId=497035326

I highly encourage my readers to read her blog. It’s heartbreaking but shows how he mattered. Like everyone else does. People handle grief differently. I was very sad and slightly numb a year and a half ago when Heath Ledger died. It was sudden and shocking. He was the first actor of my generation to pass away. I still am heartbroken. I have friends who are very sad about Michael Jackson and others who are sad but done talking about it. Everyone grieves differently.

For me, I wish I knew him more as an artist and listened to his music. He was an icon and will be missed. While I’m really kind of tired of the constant coverage going on now, I look forward to finding his music and really listening to it. I don’t know if I’ll become a fan, but he was a very fascinating person. At the end of the day, someone died suddenly. Whether you liked him or not, people around you did. Please keep that in mind. 

 Michael, may you find the peace you didn’t always have here on Earth.

As much as I didn’t want to believe it, the first scenario from my entry yesterday turned out to be true.  I think it was funny that the news leaked out several hours before the show started because they filed papers yesterday.  Of course, since it’s public record, that secret wasn’t going to stay quiet for long. 

I didn’t watch the whole show.  I watched it in bits and pieces.  It was too sad.  The kids got new playhouses that were likely freebies as Jon and Kate in their (separate) interviews mentioned the company that built them repeatedly.  It was like “Let’s hide the elephant in the room.”  I just couldn’t watch.  Instead I watched John Salley and Holly Montag drink cocktails made of blended bugs for survival on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.” 

I hope now that the paparazzi will leave them alone.  We don’t need to know what’s going on.  I don’t care which parent is there at which time.  The fans that camp out at the gate need to go home and get a life.  Seriously.  I personally hate it when people don’t call before they come over.  My real friends know this.  I’m sure the Gosselins feel the same way too. 

It’s time to move on.  I still love the Gosselins and I hope that this family will heal and be able to move on without the glare of the spotlight getting in their way.  For now, I’m not watching anything on TLC until they realize this show needs to end so this family can completely heal.  Also, I don’t think a real breakup between real people with real small children is entertainment.  If this was a script, maybe.  But the reality of it is that this is not a happy situation and I don’t want to watch any more train wrecks.